4 Crazy Times Hon. Patrick Obahiagbon Blew Our Heads With ‘Grammar’
Patrick Obahiagbon is a name we started hearing when he began to represent Oredo Federal Constituency of Edo state at the House of Representatives in 2007. The catch was that he spoke jaw-breaking words, like literally jaw breaking. Words that you probably won’t be able to pronounce when hungry.
When he was interviewed by Vanguard, the law graduate of Politician appealed to his audience to try to understand what he speaks and in his own words
The intention is not to deliberately befuddle or obfuscate them. I do not set out to deposit my audience in a portmanteau of indecipherability
Which in layman English simply means that he doesn’t mean to confuse us intentionally smh.
But now we ask, if it’s not intentional, what is it Honorable?
We explained a few times Honorable Obahiagbon spoke to us in layman English because life is really too short to look for a dictionary when this man speaks
1. When he spoke about the death of former ASUU President
The grand initiation of Professor Festus Iyayi is a lancinating loss of another stentorian voice, against retrograde and prebendal forces of primitive mercantilism. That he passed through transition on matters pro bono publico, bears eloquent testimony to our state of dystopia. Such is the evanescence of life. It’s all vanitas vanitatum”
In layman English: It is a loss of this statesman and the fact that he died in service shows how scary everything is.
2. When he reacted to the DANA plane crash
We must halt this ludicrously lugubrious kakistocracy. We must demur against demuren (no onomatopoeic extrapolation) intended. The quotidian stentorian atrabilious ululation is abyssopelagic. The country is on a precipice of apocalyptic crepuscule.”
Layman English: The country is not working well. Everything is going one kain
3. When he thought Mikel Obi deserved Player of the Year in 2014
I am maniacally bewildered, overgassted and flabberwhelmed at the paraplegic crinkum-crankum that characterised the GLO-CAF awards culminating in an odoriferous saga cum gargantuan gaga. The jiggery-pokery of CAF in crowning Yaya Toure instead of our own prodigy John Obi Mikel is a veritable bugaboo that must be pooh-poohed by all compos mentis homo sapiens. The perfidy and mendacity of all the apparatchik of sports suzerainty are not only repugnant but also insalubrious.”
Layman English: They did ojoro. The award is for John Mikel Obi not Yaya Toure
4. When he spoke about Xenophobia in South Africa
“The attack on foreigners in South Africa (xenophobia) is a miasma of a deprecate apotheosis of a hemorrhaging Pluto crack, cascading oozing into a malodorous excrescence of mobocracy. With all termagant ossifying proclivities of a kakistocracy, our knowledge centura is enveloped in a paraplegic crinkum-crankum. Therefore, the lampooning is cest in deja vu, deja vu peret ologomabia”
Layman English: What they are doing in South Africa is bad