Talking about virginity to some people, you are indirectly talking about holiness, but have we ever tried to ask what the differences are?
Does virginity have anything to do with holiness?
Maybe we just don’t definitions rightly.
Now let’s define them.
According to Oxford Dictionary, holy from which holiness is derived are defined as follows:
1. Morally and spiritually excellent or perfect, and to be revered.
2. Belonging to or devoted to God.
3. consecrated, sacred. [Old English: related to *whole]
Let’s talk the meaning of virginity just as well.
Virginity means remaining a virgin and according to Oxford Dictionary virgin is defined as follows:
1. Person who has never had sexual intercourse.
2. (The Virgin) Christ’s mother Mary.
3. (The Virgin) sign or constellation Virgo. —adj. 1 not yet used etc.
2. Virginal. [Latin virgo -gin-]
All the above definitions of virgin points to one thing: natural state of something; a state of not being utilized.
What is the connection between virginity and holiness?
Does virginity in any way relate with holiness?
Well, it could mean holiness, if holiness is such that can be achieved by human efforts.
If not, it is only for personal gain and prestige.
Many years back when I was talking to a girl about virginity being overrated, she said it was because I lost mine already, but if I was to go by what people call virginity, I was still a virgin.
Talking about virginity as people see it, a lot of people have actually lost their virginity long ago, without knowing it, yet they still go about claiming they are virgins, just because they have not penetrated anyone or have been penetrated (broken their hymen) that’s ridiculous.
Back in the year 2010, I wrote an article titled, “worthless virginity”. What did I mean by that?
It simply means most people that claim to be virgins are actually worthless virgins if their virginity is anything to go by.
They only defined their virginity based on the fact that they have never been penetrated in their vagina or have done so to others.
Going back to the meaning of virgin, which is the person who has never had sexual intercourse. The word intercourse causes a little problem here as many believe intercourse means penetration. No, it doesn’t.
According to Oxford Dictionary, intercourse mean: communication or dealings between individuals. Connecting it to sexual, it mean: a sexual communication or dealings between individuals. You will agree with me that this goes beyond penetration of the vagina alone.
There are several sexual dealings and communications that do not include penetration of the vagina, such as cunnilingus, blowjobs, masturbating, kissing just to mention a few.
Many of the so-called virgins have engaged in most of these stuffs yet still believe they are virgins simply because they have not been penetrated in the vagina.
I called it worthless virginity, but I now understand it is not even virginity.
I can’t even remember when I lost my virginity, but I believe it was when I started watching Pornography at a very tender age.
However, I was a worthless virgin like many that we have around now, until I was 24.
I didn’t date any girl or had any sexual communication with any girl until I was 24, not even kissing, but I was still not a virgin, I only qualified as a worthless virgin.
You still wonder how? Let me explain it to you.
I was exposed to pornography at a very tender age and this led to masturbation at the age of 19.
I slept with many girls and did all the fetish acts I saw in pornography, but all in my mind.
In fact, at some points, I was contemplating venturing into porn industry, not forgetting that I never had sex with any girl and had no plan to do so in the real life setting.
I regretted every moment I masturbated, it usually spoilt my day, it made me feel so dirty and unholy, I could hardly pray, because I believed God will not answer me, a belief I supported with several scriptures.
However, this guilt feeling only led me to watch more pornography and masturbate more and moved away from God more even as I tried hard to overcome them.
However, I still made a vow that I will never lose my virginity and truly there are moments of temptations which I escaped, but was I actually a virgin?
Having tormented myself for years in ignorance, I later realized I was the problem of myself and I ended up penetrating a Lady when I was 24.
Oh yes I did, I had sex with her! You felt I went extreme? You think I should have kept the faith?
You think God was unhappy with that? Oh, you thought I was still a virgin prior to that time?
The truth is; I was not a virgin despite I never had sexual relation with anyone prior to that which I did on intention. Remember I was 24, so I knew what I was doing. The question is why did I decide to stop holding on?
Was it an easy decision to lose my perceived virginity? Oh, no!
After that, I could never boast to my friends that I was a still virgin, a virtue that was rare among men, it was a feat; a personal honor despite I had girls coming around.
In fact, a lot of guys envied me; they were not seeing me with ladies, I only walk around with either my Bible or my books, I earned a lot of respect from people who could vouch for my holiness.
In fact, my uncle whom I stayed with was constantly feeling intimidated by my perceived holiness and will not fail to mention that I judge him because I was the holy one and he was the sinner. He comes in with a few girls and I lived with him for four years without a lady coming around.
However I decided to lose all that to accept Christ’s holiness by finally having sex with a Lady.
You think that’s odd, perhaps there is better way out?
Oh, you think that would have taken me away from God instead?
Give me a chance to explain myself.
Prior to taking that decision, I was always filled with guilt, I never had a day free of guilt, because I masturbated almost every day and it leaves me miles away from God. Take note, God was never away, I was.
I had read the Bible back to back, seeking solutions, but I only got it from Paul’s letter to the Italians in Rome where he stated:“But God has brought you into union with Christ Jesus, and God has made Christ to be our wisdom. By him we are put right with God; we become God’s holy people and are set free.
So then the scripture says whoever wants to boast must boast under what the Lord has done.”
He also stated in one of his write-up thus“for it is not by power, let no man boast.”
What connection does that have?
I was actually focused on my perceived righteousness, trying to please God with my worthless virginity that I couldn’t even tap into his grace and commune with him, I talked about this in a lecture I once delivered; I stated that I started hearing God more after that event of sleeping with a girl for the first time.
A lot of people were baffled and believed it was not possible, but it was real. What changed?
Like I mentioned earlier, I was focused on my own righteousness, believing with it, I could make God happy and without it, he will be devastated, a lot of folks believes in this illusion too, but that’s what religion offers, it is a way back to God.
What I did was to trash my way back to God, which was the so-called virginity by having sex, see myself as a sinner and accept God’s way back to me, which is the sacrifice of Jesus Christ, through which I was made holy with no effort from me. Paul said“…by him we are put right with God”so to stand with God, I needed to believe in Jesus Christ, not keep my virginity and let it become a religion, through which I felt I could get back to God. The later is what everyone should do, but the formal is not useless.
However, most people are like me, whose virginity, worthless or not have become their religion, they feel it makes them holy and losing it makes them sinners.
That is a grand illusion that can only be true under certain religions, but with God, all forms of virginity are invalid ways to attain righteousness.
Even under the law, it is like being able to avoid stealing out of many other sins and considering yourself righteous under the Law.
Being a virgin is not the prerequisite to be in right standing with God, and not being one does not make you less righteous, because God’s valid righteousness is not earned, it was given, all you need to do is to accept it by believing in Jesus Christ and love your neighbor as yourself.
Does this mean virginity is useless? No!
However, if you must be a virgin at all, know it is for your own good and has nothing to do with God.
You could make your husband respect you, earn respect from your mates and most importantly escape several STDs, those are the only benefits attached to it; it does not make you more righteous than the other person.
I will also advise you don’t list your acclaimed virginity as your most precious possession; it is psychologically dangerous to do so.
I know that will make me look harsh, but I’m not telling you to lose it, this is just to protect yourself from unwarranted heartbreak.
Have you ever wondered why people commit suicide after being forcefully deflowered?
Have you ever wondered why some find it hard to let go people that deflowered them and still keep going back to them even after getting married to another person? They call it first love.
Have you ever wondered why most girls venture into prostitution after been forcefully deflowered?
All these things happen for one singular reason: seeing virginity as a priced procession and a symbol of holiness.
It is a battlefield of the mind that must be won.
Keep your virginity as a personal choice, thinking it makes you holier than others, more righteous or seeing it as a priced possession is one of the worst mistakes you can ever make.
Virginity is not holiness, but it is not useless to keep it!
For more solutions on your relationship and other psychological issues call Soul’e Rhymez on: +2348163800077
Thank you for reading, I am Soul’e Rhymez.