Many couples, especially those about to wed, often ask me how they can have the best sex ever. They want to know the best encounter that will be registered in their memories for life and most times, I say the best sexual encounter is the one partners enjoy the most.
However, as it is my custom, I researched and from that, I learnt that the best sexual encounters tend to begin with slow and steady movements. Slow soft kisses are the rule of the game. As those kisses get deeper, bodies move closer, minds become more focused and hands start to roam.
One: Even if you have had sex with your spouse hundreds of times, you can still feel the incredible thrill of slowly progressing to a climax. The benefits are not just that you are bound to feel each other’s wonderful sensation for a little longer than you would during a quickie; you are also more likely to feel enhanced sensual thrills. By couples taking their time, they have a chance to pay attention to how they respond to different touches, kisses, positions, thrusts and pleasures.
Two: You both have more opportunities to try new things; make small adjustments and build towards a state of heightened arousal that rocks both of you from head to toe. In addition, during slow sex, you are more likely to look each other in the eye, to communicate what you want, and to tap into more profound emotions. A lengthy sexual encounter is like a well prepared intercontinental, African, Chinese or local meal. It is not just about satisfying your hunger; it is about enjoying every single, delicious moment.
Three: Husband, please don’t squeeze your wife’s breasts like toilet paper or handkerchief. Feel her nipples become erect one at a time, as your fingertips circle each one over her blouse or night dress with the bra off.
Four: A little kiss on her panties can provide a provocative preview of things to come later on. Wife, the aroma of a hygienic, sparkling, fresh, dirt-free, vagina fluid is one of the erotic sexual attractions for many husbands. So, keep your vagina inviting, captivating, appealing, tempting and enticing always. Husbands should treat their wives to the most classic romantic move. You can just carry your woman and take her to bed. Hundred per cent of wives are dying for this move.
Five: The last time many husbands carried their wives was on their wedding day, while they were posing for pictures. You all will agree with me that another sweeping off the feet is long overdue. Wife, a romantic, well-perfumed light wears can inspire a better response from a man than something tight, rough, unattractive, old and smelly.
Six: It is characteristic for African couples to rush through sex, but when a spouse is in the mood to savour sex, start with soft kisses and caresses, letting your lips and hands glide at first, before you slowly add more pressure. These first small moves set precedence for your spouse to follow. They let them know that you are in the mood to let every sensation linger. Starting in first gear does not mean you have to kick off the night with a mouth-to-mouth kiss with un-brushed mouth. Many times, a typical wife’s ‘sex engine’ has ‘knocked’ few months into the marriage and the car is packed on a hill with the neutral gear engaged just because the husband rushes through sex all the time.
Seven: Husband, I want you to know that it is not where you direct your attention to first that sets the mood for leisurely loving, but it is how. You can start caressing below the waist and still inspire a long, romantic sex with soft kisses, light touches and gentle licks. In addition, the more time spent caressing each other with clothes on, the more you will both anticipate the fabulous sensation of skin against skin.
Eight: A ‘rushed-in, rushed-out’ sex is another major stress prone factor; please, slow down and calm down! Slow and steady sex is a healthy, curative, therapeutic and romantic love spa, and it helps to increase the body’s general immune system to combat germs and virus that kill.
Nine: Savour every spot, peel off and do not irritably tear off your wife’s clothing piece by piece. Notice each freckle and curves as it is uncovered, then kiss or stroke it. When either of the spouses is still partially dressed and the other is naked, the result can be extremely racy.
Ten: Keep all or a few pieces of clothing on after stripping your spouse to let them know that, for the moment, their bare erogenous zones are the sole focus of your attention and if you need to pass any constructive positive comment for a healthier better shape, be very careful and cautious about your utterances. The comments and reactions of our spouses go a long way to enhance and boost or inhibit, hinder, hamper and hold back our sexual performances.
Eleven: Pay attention to those areas that are seldom appreciated like a man’s nipples. Nonetheless, the surprise of feeling fingertips, lips or tongue in these sensitive areas will shoot tiny shivers of pleasure up your husband’s spine, as you would be unknowingly igniting fire that cannot be easily tamed. Please be sure to use more pressure in typically delicate places to keep the touch, kiss or lick sensual, passionate, tormenting and erotic.
Twelve: One thing that is crystal clear is that there will be an intense connection. In a long term marriage or relationship, it is very easy to fall into an eye-closed-routine-sex in which first move is made, and then couples stop talking, stop looking into each other eye and just engage in a physical exercise. At this point, sex is about as intimate as a wrestling match and that can be passionless, unsatisfying, boring and unnecessary because the feeling is that of just going through the motions.
Thirteen: You can prevent this from happening by taking minutes to be still, looking your spouse in the eye, kissing their eyes carefully, stroking their hair, complimenting them, and reaffirming your love for each other. Even if your wife’s hair is almost gone, cradle her head, caress the head and tell her you know she lost her hair while in your house and that you are ready to help her regain it back. When you begin to touch each other, things will feel different, more intense and fulfilling again.
Fourteen: Wife, when you are in missionary position and while your husband is thrusting in and out; to make it more intense, wrap your arms and legs around his body and pull him closer to you for deep penetration.
Fifteen: Don’t just lay still; match the rhythm of each thrust so that your bodies move together.
Sixteen: Holding hands during sex is intimate and loving.
Seventeen: Grabbing your spouse’s hands is also a romantic way for you to provide added support and balance when they are moving up and down on top of you.
Eighteen: Alternate this position to having the wife on top, and if husband gets the moves right, it is guaranteed to take your wife’s breath away. Encourage her to straddle you on the edge of the bed and give her neck and breasts plenty of loving attention as she moves on top of you. You can also lift her by placing your hands under her thighs, slowly turn her around, and lay her back on the bed. If you are good at multitasking, kiss her continually as you do this. Confidence is not only built, you graduate from an amateur to an expert. However, it takes constant practice and patience to arrive here.
Nineteen: Hmm! Well, I am certain the guides mentioned above are not only a bonus to the newlyweds but also an eye opener to old couples.
Twenty: Now, to the wives out there, what do you think great sex is to your husband? For some husbands, it might be the ability to get themselves and their wives ‘fantabulous’ multiple orgasms. For others, it might mean being able to last for eight to 11 minutes, which is considered the average. However, for majority of husbands, great sex is in the hand of their wives. Last week, we started this extraordinary edition and today we are concluding it.
Twenty-one: Well, do you know that the testicles are very sensitive to both touch and temperature, so having a hot and wet tongue slide over them is extremely pleasurable. You may wonder how your tongue can produce both sensations concurrently. As I noted earlier, just sip a cup of hot mint drink now and then alternatively while the tongue caressing is ongoing. For the ultimate lick, a wife should start at the bottom or even behind the testicles, and keep licking upward until she gets to the tip of the manhood, at which point, she can slide it into her mouth.
Twenty-two: To increase the intensity of the pleasure at any given time, a wife can wrap a dominant hand around the shaft of the manhood and move it up and down. With the other hand, she can cup the testicles gently but firmly. When a man approaches orgasm, his testicles pull up close to his body and by stimulating the motion, a wife brings her husband close to heaven. Remember to be very gentle here: total feminine control and total masculine comfort is required.
Twenty–three: To create an unbearable height of pleasure, couples can pleasure each other at the same time. If you try this, you will see that it will result in different sensations pulsing through your bodies. This type of pleasuring is call ‘angle 69°’ or ‘sideway 69’.
Twenty-four: This is a real treat for couples: all you need to do as spouse is rest each other’s head on the inside of your partner’s thigh, so you can lick and suck each other comfortably. This allows you to relax and go much easier. Wife, this is not a difficult task at all, just tilt your head back slightly and guide the shaft of your husband’s manhood with a firm hand and take as much of it into your mouth. Husband, you also should pull your wife’s waist down to yourself gently and while she is on top of you, you also pleasure her.
Twenty-five: Wife, while your husband is licking you, help him by opening your legs wide. When invariably he cannot take it any longer and wants to penetrate, as he does so, shut your legs and squeeze your thighs tightly together. This position helps his penis to rub your clitoris – and it gives him a sensation of tightness. Many wives complain that they cannot get to tighten their vagina as they desire. Just practise Kegel exercise frequently and this will be easy.
Twenty-six: Husband, to earn yourself a great approval and enthusiastic response, you can quickly change position and go down on your wife while she is standing on a chair. This gives her a lot of freedom to move, respond, and feel pampered at the same time, while you are having a fantastic viewpoint and full access to her.
Twenty-seven: Remember, nothing impresses a woman like the ability to be fingered by her husband. The best way to do this is to lick the clitoris while slowly sliding one or two fingers in and out of her. As she gets excited, try maintaining a steady, gentle, pulsing pressure on the front [pubic hair side] inside wall of the vagina, which is where the ‘G-spot is. This also helps the husband to maintain an erection. According to research, a normal erection can stay as long as 40 minutes or more.
Twenty-eight: The granddaddy of all ultimate pleasures is to let your wife take hold of your manhood like never before. Here, you stand and flip your wife upside down so that her legs are on either side of your head. She can then take hold of your manhood and do justice to it. Couples must be very careful with this style, especially when the spouse is obese or big.
Twenty-nine: Most time, typical Nigerian couples do not have enough time for the above treats; however, there are other fabulous techniques that could be adopted just to maximise pleasure for couples, especially when time is not on your side. Wife, you can send a short SMS to your husband, saying, ‘Please spare me ten minutes out of your tight schedule to pleasure your manhood in my bed before your next board meeting’.
Thirty: On the other hand, you can say: ‘My breasts are cold; they need a massage from you’. Then again, you can say: ‘I have my bed waiting to give your manhood the only thing it was created for – pleasure!’ Alternatively, you can send a succession of increasingly seductive and suggestive e-mails, telling him how wonderfully made his manhood is and that you want his ‘rod’ to comfort you. This approach most times drive husbands wild in bed and from researches, it has never failed because many husbands come back begging for more. Wow, I cannot wait to hear from you. Until then, keep your sex life and passion aflame and until I see you next week, I remain your devoted and loyal bedroom instructor.